The Fear of Being Too Much: Anxiety, Boundaries, and Relationships
Why Being “Too Sensitive” Might Actually Be a Sign of Deep Wisdom
If you’ve ever felt like you’re “too much” for the people around you- too emotional, too sensitive, too intense- you’re not alone. Many women and highly sensitive people carry a fear of being “too much,” especially in close relationships. This fear often doesn’t come out of nowhere. It can be a response to early experiences where emotions weren’t welcomed, boundaries weren’t respected, or vulnerability led to rejection or punishment.
As a somatic and trauma therapist who specializes in working with sensitive, neurodivergent, and intuitive women, I hear this fear all the time. It shows up in the quiet moments before a boundary is spoken, in the racing thoughts before sending a text, in the shame that follows an honest expression. So many of us have been conditioned to believe that emotional needs are burdens—and that being ourselves might cost us connection.
When your nervous system has learned that being honest is risky, it makes sense that speaking up now feels terrifying. You might overthink every word. You might feel anxiety tighten in your chest the moment you try to set a limit or express a preference. Instead of feeling safe to be authentic, you shrink yourself to stay close. This isn’t weakness. It’s survival. It’s a nervous system pattern shaped by relationships- what we often call the fawn response:
Photo by Reign Abarinto via Unsplash
Fawning is when we people-please to avoid conflict, abandonment, or shame. It’s a nervous system strategy, not a character flaw. And while it may have helped you survive in the past, it can leave you feeling anxious, resentful, and disconnected from your true self today. You might wonder:
“Why am I afraid to speak up in relationships?”
“Why do I always feel like I’m too sensitive?”
“Why does setting boundaries cause me so much anxiety?”
These are not silly questions. They are survival questions. And your body is answering them in the only language it has—through muscle tension, shallow breath, overthinking, people-pleasing, and exhaustion.
But healing is possible. You don’t have to bulldoze your way through boundaries or force yourself to be louder. In fact, the healing path is often quieter than that. It’s about gently rebuilding trust with your own body. It’s about reconnecting to your voice in a way that feels safe, slow, and true.
Setting boundaries isn’t about being less sensitive. It’s about becoming more self-connected. Boundaries aren’t walls; they’re bridges back to yourself. They are an act of self-loyalty—not rejection of others, but devotion to your own inner clarity.
3 Steps to Start Reclaiming Your Voice
Notice where you shrink.
Pay attention to the moments you go silent, over-explain, or feel the urge to make others comfortable at your own expense. These are wise signals from your nervous system—not failures, but invitations.Practice micro-boundaries.
You don’t have to start with a big conversation. Try saying: “Let me think about that and get back to you,” or “I need a little space today.” These small steps help your system feel safe in self-expression.Bring your body into the conversation.
Boundaries aren’t just words—they live in the body. Notice how your breath, posture, and gut sensations shift when you imagine saying yes or no. Somatic therapy helps you learn to trust those cues again.
If you’ve been told you're too much, I want you to know: You’re not. You’re just coming back into contact with your wholeness.
If this resonates…
You don’t have to do this alone. I help sensitive, intuitive women in Bend Oregon and the state of Oregon heal anxiety, reconnect to their voice, and create relationships that feel safe, honest, and soul-nourishing.
✨ You’re invited to book a session, subscribe at the bottom of this page to stay up to date on other offerings, or join the Sacred Becoming community on Substack for reflections, resources, and ritual support.
ways to work with me:
Online counseling and EMDR/Brainspotting for clients located in Bend, Oregon and the state of Oregon. Click here to schedule a free consultation.
Read more about sacred self therapy here and more about my approach to working with anxiety here.
Enter your email at the bottom of this page to stay up to date on offerings!